I spent a lovely time with Jeff and Jessica. My last night in the Capitol City, I asked Jeff to read my cards for me with the focus on my love life. Now, I trust Jeff almost more than anyone in this world, I would trust him with my life, my money and my future, and most importantly, to tell me the truth (something that should be abundantly clear if you read my journal, that I value very much).

This was the generalization of the reading:
I feel I deserve love. There are people who are in and going to be in my life who will jerk me around and play with my heart, but they won't be doing it on purpose. They are just as confused about why they're here as much as I am. I won't have love for a very long time, until I'm well into my career. Even then, it is kind of vague. The path that I am on now is building my talents and skills, which is good. But with having these skills and talents, I feel as though I should be attracting a mate, but I'm not, which is frustrating. However, once these skills and talents have been built upon, it will be a solid foundation for a career, and that I basically should stay on this path because it's the best one for me.

I have to admit, it is a bit depressing.

I keep thinking about Matt. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I wonder if he still thinks about me, if he was sad when he told me he didn't want to see me anymore. I don't even know if I believe that he lied to me. It's so confusing. I think I saw him a few weeks ago, before my trip, at West Edmonton Mall. If it was him, he cut his hair short, and it was darker. It suited him. Made him look very smart.

I did a Tarot reading for myself about meeting a mate. Even that said that it would be rocky and not last very long. Sometimes I wish that I could be the person that someone sees as being the whole package.

But I guess that's not my path.