I want a man and not a mouse
My ideal man would be:

[1.] Wants a Christmas tree every year.
[2.] Has or loves dogs, especially mine.
[3.] Willing to let me be right sometimes, even when he knows I'm wrong.
[4.] Avoids drugs 99% of the time.
[5.] Has a job that he attends roughly 40 hours per week.
[6.] Has perfect hands and feet and doesn�t know it.
[7.] Has an active fantasy life and can manage to bring fantasy to reality successfully.
[8.] Sees me as a vulnerable man and a child-like god.
[9.] Espouses a personal brand of spirituality.
[10.] Can access his emotions freely.
[11.] Can communicate effectively.
[12.] Can accept responsibility for his mistakes with minimal drama and maximum sincerity.
[13.] Is honored and awed by our relationship.
[14.] Is just as willing to hold hands and cuddle, as he is to swing from the chandeliers, naked and bound.
[15.] Is fiscally responsible.
[16.] Can cry.
[17.] Is both sinner and saint.
[18.] Clips coupons.
[19.] Isn�t afraid of dirt, motor oil, blood, or grass stains.
[20.] Reads labels.
[21.] Likes to go out as much as "creating an evening" and staying in.
[22.] Has minimal neuroses, psychoses, and stupidoses.
[23.] Loves to cook.
[24.] Knows that he isn't the shit, but is humbled by the fact I think he is.
[25.] Is muscular but not overdone.
[26.] Has light eyes and dark hair.
[27.] Is totally versatile.
[28.] Is assertive with strangers but kind at the same time.
[29.] Doesn't pluck his eyebrows, but doesn't have a unibrow.
[30.] Understands the difference between your and you�re, their and they�re, and its and it�s.
[31.] Speaks French so we can converse together in our own "private" language.
[32.] Smiles beautifully, broadly, and often.
[33.] Laughs frequently, especially at my dry sense of humor.
[34.] Owns and rides a bike regularly.
[35.] Will encourage me to live as healthy as possible, even when I would rather eat cheesecake.
[36.] Hates clowns too because they�re creepy.
[37.] Thinks chateaubriand and scrambled eggs and ketchup both have their time and place in the culinary experience.
[38.] Thinks bottled water is can taste better than tap.
[39.] Would want a big house only to fill it with visiting friends.
[40.] Would want a large professional kitchen only for us to cook for those friends.
[41.] Would pay top dollar for a reliable car, not a trendy car.
[42.] Has two eyebrows.
[43.] Looks at an expensive antique four-poster bed and immediately thinks "I could tie him to that!"
[44.] Knows which end of the hammer is the business end and isn�t afraid to use it.
[45.] Suggests that we take night classes together and then comes home with the course catalog so we can choose.
[46.] Spoons automatically with me when he crawls into bed.
[47.] Infuriates me by taking a bite out of every chocolate in the box and then surprises me with my own box.
[48.] Is also a coffee fiend and aficionado, appreciating the fact that the most important life events happen over coffee.
[49.] Reads to me while we�re driving.
[50.] Holds my hand when we�re, well�everywhere.
[51.] Knows the difference between smelling like a man and polluting the atmosphere.
[52.] Understands that I love art, and will listen to me drone on about the color choices in a Van Gogh painting.
[53.] Likes to sleep in on Weekends.
[54.] Hopes for the best and plans for the worst.
[55.] Takes the reins with conviction.
[56.] Hands them over with complete trust.
[57.] Would bathe me daily if I were incapacitated.
[58.] Would bathe me daily even if I weren�t, but reserves that for special occasions.
[59.] Collects but doesn�t hoard, being more than willing to release and return things to the Universal Library.
[60.] Would only want to win the lottery to be able to help his friends and family.
[61.] Respects waiters and servers.
[62.] Understands the difference between righteous anger and throwing a tantrum.
[63.] Is judicious with his time, talent, energy, money, and spirituality.
[64.] Understands the importance of balance in all things.
[65.] Spends time working on himself and growing as an individual.
[66.] Creates and delights in his own sacred space and time.
[67.] Fosters his own hobbies, friends, and opinions.
[68.] Would never eat the last piece of anything before offering it to others first.
[69.] Would never leave without saying goodbye, whether that was a kiss, a hug, or a handshake.
[70.] Can play a musical instrument and tries, futily, to teach me.
[71.] Is proud of our relationship and comfortable with our sexuality.
[72.] Is forever hearing "You�re GAY??"
[73.] Doesn't mind when I smoke.
[74.] Clips fingernails, toenails, and nose hairs regularly.
[75.] Loves to travel.
[76.] Loves coming home.
[77.] Appreciates the power of silence and feels no need to fill it.
[78.] Surprises me with his creativity.
[79.] Trusts my intuition and instincts as much as he trusts his own experience.
[80.] Can change his oil, his fuses, and his mind.
[81.] Makes my toes curl in bed without even trying, and makes me talk to God when he is trying.
[82.] Would rather buy a "fixer-upper" and fix it up with me than move into something new.
[83.] Looks behind himself when walking through a door to make sure that it doesn�t close on someone behind him.
[84.] Can say "You�re full of shit" so sweetly and diplomatically that I want to thank him for pointing that out.
[85.] Has men and women going out of their way to tell me how adorable he is.
[86.] Lets a woman go before him when they arrive somewhere at the same time.
[87.] Sees gray hair as a sign of maturity, not something that must be dreaded and dyed.
[88.] Is equally comfortable in jeans and T-shirts or a tuxedo, but prefers to be naked.
[89.] Flirts shamelessly making sure that I�m the recipient of the lion�s share of his trysts.
[90.] Takes his meds, including antidepressants, regularly.
[91.] Considers therapy a necessary part of the routine emotional tune-up process.
[92.] Has a child-like curiosity and enthusiasm.
[93.] Would take a bullet for me.
[94.] Wouldn�t want flowers at his funeral, or wedding for that matter, preferring that that money go toward good food, drinks, and entertainment to celebrate the occasion.
[95.] Would be such a revered soul that there would be standing room only at his funeral and wedding.
[96.] Sees life as an active pursuit, full of active verbs, and a few passive naps.
[97.] Would approach things with an adventurous spirit and make palatable those things that he may not like, but knows I do, by adding things he prefers to the mix. (For example, he would zip two sleeping bags together to make one big one for us to spoon in, bring a BBQ pit, boom box with tunes, candles, S�Mores fixins, etc.)
[98.] Sees computers and TVs as distractions and entertainment, but not as replacements or surrogates for friendships or relationships.
[99.] Is prompt and on time, respecting other people�s schedules.
[100.] Knows that I�d be doing all of these things and more for him and us too.
[101.] Understands that I would rather him give me a kiss than a bunch of flowers.

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Thursday, Jan. 19, 2006 - 3:38 p.m.
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