We live in this big vapid and shallow planet. For what? Really, why are we alive? To decieve? to "fall in love"? Does anybody even take it seriously anymore? its all superficial glamour. Gifts and dinner to show you love someone. it may as well be junebugs and glitter.
I give. i give. and i give. i forgive. i forget. i do everything i can to accomidate. its still not enough. why can't it be enough? its so hard to try and keep people from going away. to stop people from saying "you're a good friend". i don't want to be a good friend. i don't want to always have to give. i don't want to forgive, forget, i just want it to be enough.
I don't know why i let this bother me. Its stupid, i know that. in my head, i know that. but it doesn't stop. i can't make it stop. its like the earth spinning, the tides rising and falling. it just keeps on going and im strapped in. im trapped in this.
a friend tells me that i just haven't found my "lobster". that when someone else comes along, i won't hurt. i believe her, but it still doesn't help me now. i can't take solice in eventually.
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